Friday, November 25, 2011

"It doesn't get any easier, just different"

I'm guessing just about every mom out there has heard the phrase "It doesn't get any easier, just different" uttered at some point along their parenting journey.  Heck - I'm pretty sure I've even said this once or twice.  Remind me to slap myself next time I say this to someone.  I don't know why, it just comes across a little bit condescending like "Oh, honey - you think you've got it bad now - just WAIT until their teenagers!  You ain't seen nothin yet!"  Understandably, I guess it's a way for moms to feel they've passed some sort of level or something.  But, every once in awhile I'm hit with the realization that this is IT - this right now is parenting.  I am, as I type, literally smack freakin dab in the middle of this and honestly - sometimes its completely overwhelming.

Take today for example.  We had a perfectly great day.  It started out by sleeping in, followed by lazing around until noon in our p.j's, watching t.v., playing video games, online shopping, etc.  The kids had fun helping me blow up balloons and decorate with streamers for Jake's birthday party tomorrow.  Jake and I busted some moves to the Avett Brothers, Ella and I lip syched to the Biebs (much to Jake's horror), and I didn't really have to cook because we were stocked with Thanksgiving leftovers.  We ended the evening by splitting up boys and girls.  The boys watched Tron and the girls watched Summer Eleven.  All in all - LOTS of good family time, bonding, fun, kids, kids, dog, kids, kids movies, kids, .....

And here is where I admit to becoming claustrophobic and overwhelmed.

And here is where I disappear to my bedroom and lock the door for some mommy time.

Because here's the deal.  I adore my family.  I LOVE them.  But, you guys sometimes I just want to be an adult.  And not just for an hour after they've gone to bed, and not just for half a day when they're at school  - but an adult all day long.  And Mr. Veen (God love him) is sort of like Peter Pan a lot of the time around here.  I mean, he's pretty good with living in kid world all day.  And then I start feeling like I'm a mean old hag that hates little children and wants to cook them in a big stew pot for dinner.  And before you know it we've become a fairy tale and its really not cute or cuddly at all. 

*o.k. - if you've made it this far in my little story you must now scroll down and look and the lovely picture below of me and my family.  I really would never, ever eat them.  Promise.

So, yes  okay already  - whoever said "It doesn't get any easier, just different" you are right.  You win.  It's hard, relentless, exhausting, overwhelming, and never, ever perfect.  And I am no expert at all.  I fully anticipate looking back at this season and wondering what I had to complain about.  I know for a fact that a day will come when I will give anything to flashback exactly to this moment and experience what I did today.  That's why I wrote this down.  I want to remember today in all its guts and glory.  I want to remember hopping up and down with Jake and how his smile makes me melt as well as how annoyed I was with him when he kept saying "I'm bored."  I want to remember cuddling with Ella on my bed and kissing her squishy soft cheeks as well as how I couldn't wait for her to get into her own bed tonight.  Because it's both - guts and glory.   And's not easier - just different.  But  - you didn't hear me say that.

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