The Gift of Parenthood

Children are a gift.

 By Henri Nouwen

Being a parent is like being a good host to a stranger. While we may think that our children are like us, we are continually surprised at how different they are. We can be gladdened by their intelligence, their artistic gifts, or their athletic prowess, or saddened by their slowness in learning, their lack of coordination, or their “odd” interests. In many way we don’t know our children.

We didn’t create our own children, nor do we own them. This is good news. We don’t need to blame ourselves for their problems, nor should we claim ourselves their successes.

Children are a gift from God. They are given to us so that we can offer them a safe, loving place to grow to inner and outer freedom. They are like strangers who ask for hospitality, become good friends, and then leave again to continue their journey. They bring immense joy and immense sorrow precisely because they are gifts. And a good gift, as a proverb says, is “twice given.”

The gift we receive, we have to give again. When our children leave us to study, to look for work, to marry, to join a community, or simply to become independent, sorrow and joy touch each other. Because it is then that we feel deeply that “our” child isn’t really “ours” but given to us to become a true gift to others.

It is so hard to give our children their freedom- especially in this violent and exploitative world. We so much want to protect them from all possible dangers. But we cannot. They do not belong to us. They belong to God, and one of the greatest acts of trust in God is letting our children make their own choices and find their own way.

12 Years....

Twelve years ago this baby boy was born and changed my life forever...

Fast forward to today...

 Jake you are the most awesome, amazing son I could ever ask for.  Happy Birthday Bud!!

Middle School

It's hard for me to believe it - but yesterday I sent my thing one, Jake, off to his first day of middle school.  He was decked out in his outfit of choice:  black skinny jeans, gray t-shirt, pinkish/red hoodie and high top skater shoes.  He is one handsome devil.

Middle school so far feels very mysterious to me.  With grade school I was allowed to walk the kids in, encouraged to volunteer, and knew the exact protocol for drop offs and pick ups.  Yesterday I thought it best to let Mr. Veen drop Jake off as I was worried I might embarrass him by NEEDING to walk him in or help him with his locker.  When in came time for pick up I completely botched it by driving up the wrong one way street and having to circle back around past the school.  Jake stood on the corner with a disgusted and bewildered look on his face - I was glad for the tinted windows in our new car.

And so it was that I found myself entirely relieved (after having spent the morning on edge of a panic attack) when Jake got in the car and I asked the age old question:  "How was school today" to which he replied: "Good."

It was "Good."  Not a fake "good" where you really know it wasn't good and they're just trying to get you off their back.  No, it was good.  He liked it!

And that's all I need to know right now.

Swim Meet

Friday's Letter

Dear Mr. Veen:  there's no one on this earth I'd rather share a smile and laugh with.  Your eye crinkles are the BEST!  Dear Ella:  you are almost nine years old!  I'm so proud of you and the way you've grown in confidence this year.   Dear Spring:  I love the hope you bring to my rain soaked soul.  Thank you for tulips, bright green grass and the promise of warmer days.  Dear One Direction:  seriously, could you be any cuter?  I love my indie music - but there's something inherently fun about a little peppy boy band bubble gum tune once in awhile.  Dear Jake:  I wish I could protect you from all things that hurt - like broken hearts when good friends move away.  What a sweet and tender soul you are.  Dear me, myself and I:  psst....you get a whole day OFF today!  Yippee!!

Jake on Adele

Yesterday the four of us were in the car running errands and an Adele song came on.  Out of nowhere Jake said in a concerned and serious voice:  "I think this woman has a lot of relationship problems."

After I finished laughing and high-fiveing my smart boy the thought crossed my mind..."He really IS my child isn't he?"

Heaven help us and our serious and concerned thoughts!

p.s.  I really do love Adele, relationship problems or not.  This is my favorite of hers....

Jake is 11!

"It doesn't get any easier, just different"

I'm guessing just about every mom out there has heard the phrase "It doesn't get any easier, just different" uttered at some point along their parenting journey.  Heck - I'm pretty sure I've even said this once or twice.  Remind me to slap myself next time I say this to someone.  I don't know why, it just comes across a little bit condescending like "Oh, honey - you think you've got it bad now - just WAIT until their teenagers!  You ain't seen nothin yet!"  Understandably, I guess it's a way for moms to feel they've passed some sort of level or something.  But, every once in awhile I'm hit with the realization that this is IT - this right now is parenting.  I am, as I type, literally smack freakin dab in the middle of this and honestly - sometimes its completely overwhelming.

Take today for example.  We had a perfectly great day.  It started out by sleeping in, followed by lazing around until noon in our p.j's, watching t.v., playing video games, online shopping, etc.  The kids had fun helping me blow up balloons and decorate with streamers for Jake's birthday party tomorrow.  Jake and I busted some moves to the Avett Brothers, Ella and I lip syched to the Biebs (much to Jake's horror), and I didn't really have to cook because we were stocked with Thanksgiving leftovers.  We ended the evening by splitting up boys and girls.  The boys watched Tron and the girls watched Summer Eleven.  All in all - LOTS of good family time, bonding, fun, kids, kids, dog, kids, kids movies, kids, .....

And here is where I admit to becoming claustrophobic and overwhelmed.

And here is where I disappear to my bedroom and lock the door for some mommy time.

Because here's the deal.  I adore my family.  I LOVE them.  But, you guys sometimes I just want to be an adult.  And not just for an hour after they've gone to bed, and not just for half a day when they're at school  - but an adult all day long.  And Mr. Veen (God love him) is sort of like Peter Pan a lot of the time around here.  I mean, he's pretty good with living in kid world all day.  And then I start feeling like I'm a mean old hag that hates little children and wants to cook them in a big stew pot for dinner.  And before you know it we've become a fairy tale and its really not cute or cuddly at all. 

*o.k. - if you've made it this far in my little story you must now scroll down and look and the lovely picture below of me and my family.  I really would never, ever eat them.  Promise.

So, yes  okay already  - whoever said "It doesn't get any easier, just different" you are right.  You win.  It's hard, relentless, exhausting, overwhelming, and never, ever perfect.  And I am no expert at all.  I fully anticipate looking back at this season and wondering what I had to complain about.  I know for a fact that a day will come when I will give anything to flashback exactly to this moment and experience what I did today.  That's why I wrote this down.  I want to remember today in all its guts and glory.  I want to remember hopping up and down with Jake and how his smile makes me melt as well as how annoyed I was with him when he kept saying "I'm bored."  I want to remember cuddling with Ella on my bed and kissing her squishy soft cheeks as well as how I couldn't wait for her to get into her own bed tonight.  Because it's both - guts and glory.   And yes....it's not easier - just different.  But  - you didn't hear me say that.

Finally...GOOD homework!

Tonight my thing one, Jake, told me for part of his homework he has to memorize a poem.  Honestly, I sort of zoned out what with all the other things on the to-do list between 6 and 8p.m. in our house.  However, my ears perked instantly when I heard him begin to recite these beautiful words by Marianne Williamson.  If this is "homework" bring it on!!  I will happily memorize this poem right alongside my son.  Shine on!

A Return to Love

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.
We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant,
gorgeous, talented, fabulous?
Actually, who are you not to be?
You are a child of God.
Your playing small does not serve the world.
There is nothing enlightened about shrinking
so that other people won't feel insecure around you.
We are all meant to shine, as children do.
We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us.
It is not just in some of us; it is in everyone.
And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously
give other people permission to do the same.
As we are liberated from our own fear,
our presence automatically liberates others.

~ Marianne Williamson



Wordless Wednesday: Halloween 2011







Friday's Letter

Dear Mr. Veen:  I know it sounds cliche but you really are my best friend - I like you a lot.  Dear Fall:  there is something almost magical and other worldly about your crisp cool air and sunshine.  You are a favorite of mine.  Dear Jake:  I adore receiving your phone messages on the days I work letting me know you've made it home - could you be any cuter?  Dear Kids:  You guys are so awesome and are rocking it with the new routine.  I am one proud mama.  Dear Song:  The other day when you came on the radio the timing was perfect.  Help with being resilient in the form of encouraging music is always welcome.   And last to Mr. Veen:  It's Friday!  Looking forward to sleeping in at least until the sun comes up tomorrow!

Hi-Ho!

Today is my first day on the new job.  I'm excited, nervous and at times wondering what the heck was I thinking to think I could juggle this and do everything I've already been doing? 

The truth is, I won't be able to do it all.  I never did, and I still won't.  The truth is, this part time job is going to force me to delegate - to the kid's, to Mr. Veen, to friends.  I'm realizing I'm not good at delegating. 

The truth is, it's another step in letting go a bit....letting my birdies stretch their wings and in return I get to try mine out a little again. 

Wish us all luck!



Wordless Wednesday: an evening at grammy and papa's



Friday's Letter

Dear Mr. Veen:  Do you know that there are few things more attractive to me than seeing you doing laundry and unloading the dishwasher?  Dear Jake and Ella:  It is so much fun to watch you grow up into your own people - I can't believe I have a 5th and 3rd grader this year!  Dear Self:  It's been approximately eight years since you've had a traditional "job"; no wonder co-workers, lunch breaks and paperwork feel so foreign to you.  Dear Mom:  A few days ago I actually said out loud "I smell fall in the air" - remember how mad I used to get at you when you would say that?  Dear Awesome Song found below:  I first heard you about a year ago and then heard you again last week when I went to see this movie.  You are a keeper for sure.  And last to Mr. Veen:  It makes me happy to watch you ride away on your bike complete with safety helmet.  So glad that it's Friday and we have a nice long weekend ahead!

HAPPY WEEKEND ALL!

Saturday Morning Suprise!

Just about the time I begin to think life couldn't get any crazier around here, something significant happens to change my mind.  Last month it was a new dog and kidney stones, this past weekend it was a turtle.  Here's the story.

We had just gotten home from the kids' Sat. morning swim lessons at the Y and were unpacking bags when Ella came tearing through the door screaming something at the top of her lungs.  At first I thought - "Crap - someone's hurt" but after a few minutes began to unscramble her words which were:  "THERE'S A TURTLE IN OUR BACKYARD!!!!".  Really?  No Joke?  I walked out to the backyard and witnessed the following...

This little fellow was just chillin in the barkdust in our backyard.  These are the thoughts that ran through my head:  "What the *%#@!" and then "We are sooo not keeping a turtle - we have ENOUGH animals around here." 

I'm pretty sure our kitty Tubbs was also thinking "What the #@$%*!"

Of course Jake and Ella were instantly smitten and immediately began googleing what to feed turtles.  Jake was convinced that God had read his mind and miraculously dropped a turtle in the backyard just for him.  I did what any sane person would and let Tom figure out what to do with the thing.  Turtles creep me out just a tiny bit - something about their general head and neck region.  To me they look like a snake with legs and a shell.

So "Turdy the Turtle" was taken to a nice lady that runs Salem Wildlife Refuge out of her home.  I'm sure he is now enjoying life somewhere in Minto Brown Park which is far, far away from my backyard!







June 2011: Favorite things

Here's a list of some of my current favorites in no particular order...

1.  This print from Lisa Cogdon.  It's currently hanging in my kitchen above my coffee pot where it makes me quite happy.

2.  Peonies.  They are pretty much done blooming but they have become my official favorite flower of June - so beautiful!

3.  These is my Words.  Reading it, loving it, completely addicted.  That's all.

4.  Platform Wedges.  For a girl who doesn't do well in heels I love these and actually look forward to wearing them.  I don't feel like I'm going to fall over and break my neck and they are truly comfortable.  Now I just need to find some time to paint my toes....

5.  This blog is so beautiful!  Check it out if you want to see some pretty photos...

6.  All things 1980's  have made a resurgence around my house these days.  We are rocking out to Michael Jackson and watching The Cosby show.  It's weird in a really good way!

7.  Strawberry Lemonade Martini.  It is my drink of the summer thanks to Carol  - go over here to get the recipe!

8.  My friend Kevin came over with the classic movie All that Heaven Allows last night.  I was unprepared for just how much I would love this film.  Not only is it visually breathtaking but it actually has a really great message too.  Of course it doesn't hurt that Rock Hudson is a total hunk either....

9.  Jake and Ella.  I love having these guys home for the summer.  Yes, it's crazy and chaotic at times but I also know it won't last forever and before I know it they'll have flown this little nest.  Sometimes I want to just freeze time and keep them 8 and 10 forever.  They are such wonderful little people!



10.  The Avett Brothers.  My friend Lance recently burned me ALL of their albums!  Thank you Lance - I am loving them:)











Tantrums and Target

Yesterday the kids and I had to swing into Target for a few things.  Initially I noticed there were a few more kids than normal, but it wasn't until we had gotten into the various aisles and begun shopping that I picked up on something I can only describe as a different quality in the very air around us -

Tired,rude, grouchy moms with their bored, tired, rude, and very whiny children.

Summer break is officially upon us!

Don't get me wrong.  I have been at Target many, many times and witnessed this very same phenomenon.  But it was as if it was the moon had shifted and suddenly I was in some bad horror movie, one where bad parenting and awful children have taken over the world.  It was scary my friends.  All I could think was if I was a person even considering having/adopting/fostering a child ever, my decision would have been easily made for me.

And here is where I can't help but brag - forgive me.  Because amidst this chaos I looked over at these two -

and I was so proud.  Yes they fight, whine and sometimes are even rude.  Yes I get tired and grouchy and even rude sometimes too.  But yesterday in Target we were golden!  For a moment we were the cover of Parenting magazine and I felt it and let me tell you the feeling was sweet.  And I have to admit I even felt a little bit smug.  Just a tiny bit.  I'm sure nobody noticed.

Next time you see me in Target I may very well be contributing to the grouchy rude nightmare, so I needed to share this story just for the record.

I love my kids.



Sick.

Today is day five of sickness in my house.  It all started Saturday night when Ella developed a fever and soon after was losing all sorts of things if you know what I mean.  My poor little girl got so sick and dehydrated that she ended up in the hospital Tuesday into Wednesday in order to give her some IVs to replenish her out of whack electrolytes. 

I am happy to report that yesterday Ella was smiling - even laughed a few times and today marked the momentous act of eating her first real food in days a piece of toast!  Unfortunately, just as Ella started feeling better Jake's fever spiked to 103 and he's started losing some "things" too.  On a positive note Jake's symptoms seem (so far) much milder than Ella's so I am hopeful he'll bounce back a bit quicker than she did and won't require a stay in the hospital. 

How am I you ask?  Well - I am actually just happy to be in my own home, the director of my little sick ward.  We are stocked with all the essentials:  Gatorade, jello, chicken soup and Popsicle's.  Due to the wonder of Netflix we have videos galore.  So all in all - other than the fact that I have no idea what day it is or what might be happening out in the world -  I'm good.

Friday's Letter

Dear Mr. Veen:  it's pretty cute and funny how much you love your new beer glass.  It gets bonus points for being too tall to fit in our cupboards.  Dear Jake and Ella:  three more days of school to go!!  I think I am just as excited as you guys are for the change in our routine.  Dear Self:  you and I both know how long this week has been.  Your weekend escape could not have come at a better time - so excited!  Dear Gwen Stefani:  I am loving you and your music lately and this song sums up my thoughts exactly.  And last to Mr. Veen:  thank you for being the kind of husband and father who supports me getting away from time to time.  Good luck to you this weekend - I'll miss you!

Wordless Wednesday: Thing 1