From Possibility to Permission....

Recently I signed up to receive daily meditations sent via email from Richard Rohr.  There's something about the way Rohr puts things that resonates with me and where I am on my journey right now.  I feel so strongly that the practice and discovery of being who God intends us to be leads us more deeply and fully into experiencing His love and grace.  I particularly liked the following meditation and wanted to bookmark it here!

If you keep listening to the love, if you keep receiving the love,
trusting the love—even with all your limitations, unworthiness,
limited intellect, or whatever you feel holds you back—you start to
experience within yourself a sense of possibility. Whatever life is
inviting you into, you have this sense that it’s okay and, even
better, that you can do it! That is the joy of the saints. Now you
don’t have to do it by the world’s criteria of success or
performance. As Mother Teresa loved to say, “The only real success is
faithfulness.” To be faithful to this inner love is in itself the
greatest success. It is of itself the possibility. No outer successes
are necessary to be happy.

This is what makes the mystics sort of dangerous. It’s not just
possibility they experience—but permission. It’s permission to color
outside the lines and to be who you really are. It’s not just gay
people who have to come out of their closets. We’re all in our
closets. They’ve just given us a good metaphor for what we all have to
do. We’re all afraid to come out of our various closets. It’s not
the need to be outrageous or rebellious. It’s so much better than
that. It’s just permission to be that image and likeness of God that
you really are. You are unlike any other image or likeness. It is as if
God is saying, “I’m expecting you to return to me simply and totally
as you really are!”

Finally...GOOD homework!

Tonight my thing one, Jake, told me for part of his homework he has to memorize a poem.  Honestly, I sort of zoned out what with all the other things on the to-do list between 6 and 8p.m. in our house.  However, my ears perked instantly when I heard him begin to recite these beautiful words by Marianne Williamson.  If this is "homework" bring it on!!  I will happily memorize this poem right alongside my son.  Shine on!

A Return to Love

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.
We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant,
gorgeous, talented, fabulous?
Actually, who are you not to be?
You are a child of God.
Your playing small does not serve the world.
There is nothing enlightened about shrinking
so that other people won't feel insecure around you.
We are all meant to shine, as children do.
We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us.
It is not just in some of us; it is in everyone.
And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously
give other people permission to do the same.
As we are liberated from our own fear,
our presence automatically liberates others.

~ Marianne Williamson



I Heart Bill

Last night I fell in love with another man.  His name is Bill and he's the cutest thing.  Mr. Veen seems not to mind and in fact somewhat shares my affection.  Maybe you will fall in love with Bill too. 



In all seriousness, this is the best documentary I've seen in awhile.  This man is such a beautiful example of authentic living.  I can't help but be inspired by the absolute love and passion he brings to his work.  So if you get a chance watch Bill Cunningham New York.  I'd love to hear what you think of it.

You Become...

I love this passage from The Velveteen Rabbit because it is such a good reminder to continue in the process of being real.  In a world that values "nice" over kind, smooth over wrinkly, and young over old- for me it's a daily choice to show up and be real.  Some days are more successful than others, but I can only hope that as I practice being myself and loving who I am, being real will be the only choice that makes sense.

"Real isn't how you are made," said the Skin Horse. "It's a thing that happens to you. When a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but really loves you, then you become Real."

"Does it hurt?" asked the Rabbit.

"Sometimes," said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful. "When you are Real, you don't mind being hurt."

"Does it happen all at once, like being wound up," he asked, "or bit by bit?"

"It doesn't happen all at once," said the Skin Horse. "You become. It takes a long time. That's why it doesn't often happen to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out, and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don't matter at all, because once you are Real, you can't be ugly, except to people who don't understand."

Let the Sunshine in!

via bonnierose

"An authentic life is the most personal form of worship.  Everyday life has become my prayer."

~Sarah Ban Breathnach

In the trenches...

Choosing authenticity is an act of resistance.

Choosing to live and love with our WholeHearts is an act of defiance.

You’re going to confuse, piss-off, and terrify lots of people – including yourself.  One minute you'll pray that the transformation ends, and the next minute you’ll pray that it never ends. 
~Brene Brown

Today I choose authenticity.  With myself.  With those in my life. 

Some days this choice feels natural to me and others, like today, it feels like it would be so much easier to seek out approval.  I know how to do this.  I know the things you do and say to make other people happy.  To make them like you. 

But I believe in this act of resistance.   Even though at times it feels so counter.  And it is.  I believe most people operate out of "people pleasing" mentality.  And it feels so good to please people sometimes right?  Easy.  Fun. 

But underneath all of that (and I know this) the very act of pleasing others is masking you hearing your own voice.  Or what I believe is God trying to speak through us.  It might feel easy on the surface but it always comes back to bite you in the rear! 

So I will continue to practice this idea of believing that others are doing the best they can.  Believing the best of people and living wholeheartedly.  But I will also practice living my authentic self and having boundaries within that.  Confusing?  Yes.... 

Worth it?  Most definitely!

"Open Heart" by Kelly Rae Roberts

 

Cool Is Overrated



What does "cool" look like to you?  For me it's changed over the years but usually it involves someone who's extroverted, bubbly, pretty (but not too pretty), athletic, thin, and has all the *right* stuff.  I know, I know you're thinking "Jeez we're not in high school anymore - what's the big deal?", and I would agree that even though the cool thing is not nearly as bad as it was in high school I think the idea still exists in us as adults.

Maybe now "cool" is defined as any/all of the following:

Neighborhood you live in

Car you drive

School your kids attend

Music you listen to

Clothes you wear

Friends you hang out with

Book you read

If your KIDS are cool

and the list goes on.....

The problem for me with the whole idea of "cool" is that generally categories and boxes come along with it.  For example:  I live in an artsy neighborhood and most of my friends are into organic food.  I like organic food too but I also occasionally still eat at McDonald's!  Shhhhh!!!  Or :  I love thrifting clothes for many reasons from the fact that it's less expensive to the idea of recycling our resources BUT I also still sometimes shop at Anthropologie!!  SHHHHHH!!  And you get the general idea.  There's something inherent in us as people about wanting to "fit in".  It's so comforting to be part of a group.  Problem is that most if not all of us don't neatly fit in these kind of boxes.  We're eclectic.  We're a little bit country and a little bit rock and roll. 

Brene writes ~

There are many ways in which men and women hustle for worthiness around these issues, but the two that keep us the most quiet and still are hustling to be perceived as "cool" and "in control".

We hustle for our worthiness by slipping on the emotional and behavioral straitjacket of cool and posturing as the tragically hip and the terminally "better than".  Being "in control" isn't always about the desire to manipulate situations, but often it's about the need to manage perception.  We want to be able to control what other people think about us so we can feel good enough.

For me this whole idea goes back to authenticity and being vulnerable.  It takes serious guts to be authentic!  Putting the real you out there is an extreme act of vulnerability.  Being willing to unhinge others perceptions of who they think you are?  That's brave.  Letting go of categories?  Crazy hard.  Being willing to be a silly goof-ball when everyone else is standing around looking good?  Nearly impossible (for me)!

Maybe a lot of it boils down to the notion of being able to laugh at ourselves and not take ourselves so dang seriously!  For me, watching my kids just be who they are is so awesome.  They are (for the most part) still little enough that they're unaware of trying to fit in or be someone they're not.  There's nothing more beautiful and inspiring than seeing that pure joy in them as they play and dance and are goofy.

In the words of Mark Twain ~

"Dance like no one is watching.

Sing like no one is listening.

Love like you've never been hurt and

Live like it's heaven on Earth."

p.s.  If you're interested in some more audio on this topic click here

Digging Deep....

What comes to mind when you hear the phrase "I'm going to get in there and dig deep!"?  For me it conjures up another phrase "Well I'm going to just pull myself up from my bootstraps and keep going!", any one else heard this said before?  Usually it's supposed to be some kind of a motivator when your tired, fried, depressed, at the end of your rope.  You know those times when you feel like you cannot unload the dishwasher one more time, fold (and put away!) one more load of laundry, vacuum the floor, scrub the toilet, go grocery shopping, drive kid's around, or___________(whatever) one more time!  For me, sometimes it's as simple as just the normal stuff, the daily grind and especially this time of year it feels well, uninspiring and very, very exhausting!

It is my opinion that collectively as a culture we are exhausted.  We work hard and play hard and most the time there's not enough hours in the day to accomplish what we feel we should.   We expect a lot from ourselves and even more from our kid's and it's no wonder many of us get overwhelmed, anxious and depressed.  And while there's no quick fix or easy answer I appreciate and am trying to implement Brene Brown's definition of DIG Deep.  She says: " Men and women who live Wholeheartedly do indeed DIG Deep.  They just do it in a different way.  When they're exhausted and overwhelmed, they get:

Deliberate in their thoughts and behaviors through prayer, meditation, or simply setting their intentions;

Inspired to make new and different choices;

Going.  They take action

Honestly I'm still figuring these things out for myself.  What does it really look like to DIG Deep?  For me it can be as simple as giving myself an hour in the middle of the day to rest.  And by rest I don't mean fold laundry while I watch a movie.  No, I mean focus on ONE thing whether it be reading, taking a nap, watching a show, listening to music, taking a walk or just sitting down to eat lunch.  Just in typing this out I worry that I sound lazy or indulgent!  But it's important to be kind to ourselves, to build up these internal reservoirs of strength so we can love our families and give to the people in our lives. 

Anyway  - these are my thoughts for now!  And this week I will be FORCED to rest because I'm having a small out patient surgery done (treatment for my varicose veins - I know glamorous right?!) that will require me to be IN BED for a whole DAY.  I can't believe it.  More on that to come....

p.s.   I am loving this print from Jen Lemen right now!:)  

Friday's Letter

Dear Mr. Veen:  this morning you said you love it when mama sighs.  I'll try not to be jealous of a cat.  Dear Saturday:  for your day we will be doing a) two basketball games b) three birthday parties c)  one small group or d)  all of the above.  Dear Jeff Bridges:  it's possible I have a *teeny*, tiny crush on you in that I increasing think you seem like a super cool guy!  Also - LOVED you in Crazy Heart and it would have been on my movie list for 2010 but technically it came out in 2009.  Dear January:  so far I like you quite a bit - keep up the good work and I'll keep taking my vitamin D pills.  Dear Mr. Veen:  the answer is d which means we have a heck of a crazy day tomorrow - so crazy that I actually wrote down an hour by hour itinerary.  Thankful you're along to help me on this crazy ride called parenthood - I really couldn't do it without you!


Ryan Bingham : The Weary Kind
Uploaded by Lesrenards. - Watch feature films and entire TV shows.

p.s.  If you haven't seen the film Crazy Heart I highly recommend it!  It tells a gritty and powerful story about recovery, second chances and living an authentic life.  Good, good stuff.

The audacity of authenticity

It's a new year and like many people I've been thinking a lot about fresh starts and new and inspiring ideas.  I wasn't really sad to see 2010 go - it wasn't my favorite year.  Mostly because I lost an amazing friend named Lorelei. 

Lorelei was a huge mentor in my life and taught me more about authenticity than anyone I've ever met.  She lived a truly honest life even through her battle with brain cancer.  She demonstrated vulnerability.  In fact she became in the end a picture of how beautiful vulnerability is.  She lived large.  She didn't sugar coat the pain, but instead by embracing it she modeled fantastic beauty and joy.  I miss her so much!

I think Lorelei would have loved the book I just read by Brene Brown called The Gifts of Imperfection.  When I read what Brene has to say about authenticity, my thoughts naturally go to Lorelei.  So as my kick-off to sharing some of my thoughts about the book I have to begin where the journey in many ways began for me.  Knowing Lorelei and witnessing her battle with cancer these past two years has changed me.  I cannot help but embrace this life I've been given in a new way.  Petty differences and drama are exhausting to me and I simply don't want to waste my time on them.  I have a renewed passion for living a wholehearted life!  And one of the fundamental ways I'm resolving to be more wholehearted is by choosing authenticity. 

Brene notes that authenticity is not something a person has or doesn't have - instead it's a choice:

Authenticity is the daily practice of letting go who we think we're supposed to be and embracing who we are.

Choosing authenticity means

* cultivating the courage to be imperfect, to set boundaries, and to be vulnerable;

*exercising the compassion that comes from knowing we are all made of strength and struggle; and

*nurturing the connection and sense of belonging that can only happen when we believe that we are enough

Authenticity demands Wholehearted living and loving--even when it's hard, even when we're wrestling with the shame and fear of not being good enough, and especially when the joy is so intense that we're afraid to let ourselves feel it.

Mindfully practicing authenticity during our most soul-searching struggles is how we invite grace,joy, and gratitude into out lives.

I'm aware as I write this list out what a tall order living an authentic life really is!  I've had some practice and for me even though it's not easy all the time , I can't imagine living any other way.  It's a choice and a process and if we're lucky I think the more we practice it the closer we get to our true selves - the selves God designed us to be.  I know this because I've seen it.  Cancer ravished my friends body and eventually took it but her soul became brighter and brighter.  In the end - she shined.

We begin to find and become ourselves when we notice how we are already found, already truly, entirely, wildly, messily, marvelously who we were born to be. - Anne Lamott

 

Deep Thoughts....

I'll be honest - today I feel exhausted. After a day full of cleaning my own house, cleaning someone else's house, taking the kids to school and the dentist, making dinner, and attempting an online store I feel spent today. And I'm having a really bad hair day too! And, as any woman knows, bad hair can take a fragile self-esteem day and completely put it in the toilet!
Over the weekend my friend  Jessica told me about Brene Brown who happens to be a Ph.D who studies topics including shame, courage, empathy, vulnerability, etc.  I knew almost immediately upon checking out Brene's website that I would like her.  A lot of what she talks about are things I've been working on in my own life for awhile.  Issues like being authentic and the difference between guilt and shame are themes that I constantly find myself coming back to. 
Among the many fascinating things Brene has to say, one fact in particular stood out to me.  She says that based on research it has been found that when people feel vulnerable we try and numb.  We all know about numbing - let's just say it  - I numb, you numb, we all numb.  The things we numb with might be different but we all do it.  What intrigued me though was that she says studies have shown that when we as people numb the pain , we also end up numbing our capacity to feel joy.  Whoa.  Now that's big. 
So today I'm keeping it real.  I'm embracing my vulnerability.  I'm believing that despite the fact that I'm flawed and imperfect (with bad hair!) I'm also totally valuable and worthy of love.  And yes, I'm enough - just the way I am.