"It doesn't get any easier, just different"

I'm guessing just about every mom out there has heard the phrase "It doesn't get any easier, just different" uttered at some point along their parenting journey.  Heck - I'm pretty sure I've even said this once or twice.  Remind me to slap myself next time I say this to someone.  I don't know why, it just comes across a little bit condescending like "Oh, honey - you think you've got it bad now - just WAIT until their teenagers!  You ain't seen nothin yet!"  Understandably, I guess it's a way for moms to feel they've passed some sort of level or something.  But, every once in awhile I'm hit with the realization that this is IT - this right now is parenting.  I am, as I type, literally smack freakin dab in the middle of this and honestly - sometimes its completely overwhelming.

Take today for example.  We had a perfectly great day.  It started out by sleeping in, followed by lazing around until noon in our p.j's, watching t.v., playing video games, online shopping, etc.  The kids had fun helping me blow up balloons and decorate with streamers for Jake's birthday party tomorrow.  Jake and I busted some moves to the Avett Brothers, Ella and I lip syched to the Biebs (much to Jake's horror), and I didn't really have to cook because we were stocked with Thanksgiving leftovers.  We ended the evening by splitting up boys and girls.  The boys watched Tron and the girls watched Summer Eleven.  All in all - LOTS of good family time, bonding, fun, kids, kids, dog, kids, kids movies, kids, .....

And here is where I admit to becoming claustrophobic and overwhelmed.

And here is where I disappear to my bedroom and lock the door for some mommy time.

Because here's the deal.  I adore my family.  I LOVE them.  But, you guys sometimes I just want to be an adult.  And not just for an hour after they've gone to bed, and not just for half a day when they're at school  - but an adult all day long.  And Mr. Veen (God love him) is sort of like Peter Pan a lot of the time around here.  I mean, he's pretty good with living in kid world all day.  And then I start feeling like I'm a mean old hag that hates little children and wants to cook them in a big stew pot for dinner.  And before you know it we've become a fairy tale and its really not cute or cuddly at all. 

*o.k. - if you've made it this far in my little story you must now scroll down and look and the lovely picture below of me and my family.  I really would never, ever eat them.  Promise.

So, yes  okay already  - whoever said "It doesn't get any easier, just different" you are right.  You win.  It's hard, relentless, exhausting, overwhelming, and never, ever perfect.  And I am no expert at all.  I fully anticipate looking back at this season and wondering what I had to complain about.  I know for a fact that a day will come when I will give anything to flashback exactly to this moment and experience what I did today.  That's why I wrote this down.  I want to remember today in all its guts and glory.  I want to remember hopping up and down with Jake and how his smile makes me melt as well as how annoyed I was with him when he kept saying "I'm bored."  I want to remember cuddling with Ella on my bed and kissing her squishy soft cheeks as well as how I couldn't wait for her to get into her own bed tonight.  Because it's both - guts and glory.   And yes....it's not easier - just different.  But  - you didn't hear me say that.

Gratitude

"We can spend our entire lives in scarcity . . . just waiting for for the other shoe to drop and wondering when it will all fall apart. Or, we can lean into the uncertainty and be thankful for what we have in that precious moment. When I'm standing at the crossroads of fear and gratitude, I've learned that I must choose vulnerability and practice gratitude if want to know joy. I'm not sure that it will ever be easy for me, but I have learned to trust this practice. For that, I give thanks! "

 ~ Brene Brown

Happiest of Thanksgivings to you and yours!



Carol's Cinnamon Rolls

We woke up to these amazing cinnamon rolls the morning of Thanksgiving. I made them Weds night figuring that we might as well do it up Thanksgiving. The entire day is a gorge fest of food anyway - starting the ball rolling with cinnamon rolls isn't really going to hurt anything in the grand scheme of things - right? Right.
My friend Carol came by this recipe via Laura Jeffries on Food Network. The thing that makes these stand apart for me is the dough itself. It may be the milk or the amount of yeast used - I'm not sure. All I know is these are TO DIE FOR! That's all. The end. The van der Veen's will be having these again Christmas morning - already I can't wait!

CINNAMON ROLLS
Ingredients
2 packages yeast, (1/2-ounce or 2 scant tablespoons)
1/2 cup hot water
1 tablespoon sugar
1/2 cup butter
3/4 cup milk (warmed)
1/2 cup sugar
1 egg
1 teaspoon salt
4 1/2 cups flour
Dough topping:
1/2 cup butter
1 1/4 cups brown sugar
1/4 cup granular sugar
2 tablespoons cinnamon
Frosting:
1 pound powdered sugar
2 to 3 tablespoons milk
2 drops butter flavor extract
Directions
Dissolve 2 packages of yeast in 1/2 cup of hot water (test on wrist to make sure water is not too hot) and 1 tablespoon of sugar. Let sit.

Melt the 1/2 cup of butter and combine with 3/4 cups of warm milk (can be warmed on stove or in microwave, test on wrist to make sure milk is not too hot). Using an electric mixer with a dough hook or a food processor with dough blade, mix dissolved yeast and butter/milk mixture on low. Slowly add 1/2 cup of sugar, then 1 egg. Add salt and 2 cups of flour on low, blend until smooth. Slowly add 1/2 cup at a time, the other 2 to 2 1/2 cups of flour.


Put dough onto floured counter top. Knead dough until it doesn't stick to your hands (don't over kneed or add too much flour).


Place in a greased bowl. Cover with damp cloth and let rise for 45 minutes to 1 hour, until it doubles in size. (Tip, let it rise in oven where the air and temperature is consistent).

Remove from bowl and place on a floured counter. Roll out in a 12 by 24-inch (approximately) rectangle, not too thin. Spread 1/2 cup butter over dough, sprinkle with 1 1/4 cups of brown sugar (evenly), sprinkle with 1/4 cup of granular sugar (evenly), and sprinkle 2 tablespoons (or as much as you desire) of cinnamon (evenly).


Roll dough into a log. Cut into thumb-width slices or 1 1/2-inch widths.

Place in round cake pan or foil pan. Put back in oven to rise to desired height. Remove from oven after they have risen.


Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Only bake on one rack, center of oven (4 pans fit nicely). Set timer for 15 minutes, then watch for desired brown-ness. Remove from oven - let cool.


FROSTING: Combine 1 pound of powdered sugar, 2 to 3 tablespoons of milk (this may vary, add or subtract to your desired consistency), and 2 drops of butter flavor extract. Stir with spoon until very smooth and drizzles easily.


Drizzle onto completely cooled cinnamon rolls. Let frosting harden. Serve.
SERVES 30 ROLLS

yum!

Friday's Letter

Dear Mr. Veen:  last night we watched this movie and I must say that making fun of a really bad movie is sometimes just as fun as watching a good one.  Dear Crazy Cat of Aimee's:  we're all licking our wounds from your hyper-ness today.  If I ever doubted that cat's have personalities you have convinced me.  Dear Black Friday:  I thought about joining your madness but elected instead to hole up in my cozy house.  I think I am quite smart sometimes.  Dear Minto Island Park:  thanks for making my jog tolerable and even a little bit fun today.  Who knew jogging in the rain the day after Thanksgiving could be so magical?  Dear Bon Iver:  you are perfect mood music on a day like today.  Thanks for transporting me through sound and for the mellow mood you inspire.  And last to Mr. Veen:  you are the gravy to my potatoes, the whip cream to my pie and the fried onions to my bean green casserole! 

HAPPY FREAKING WEEKEND!