Tuesday's Talk

Several weeks ago our Saturday night small group was having a discussion about whether or not shame was ever a good thing.  I had that feeling (like I often do) of wanting to communicate that - NO shame is never good, can never be good or useful but I just couldn't find the words to get my thought out.  So I kept quiet but ended up feeling frustrated by the end of the meeting.  I understood what several were saying about the danger of folk's not feeling consequences for their behavior.  I get that.  I get wanting justice for wrong actions, I get having rules and the importance of structure.  So why did I have that unsettled feeling?

Those of you who follow me might begin to get tired of me quoting Brene Brown, but I find so many things she says are so true and helpful to me.   She describes herself as one who wraps words around many of our common feelings and experiences as humans.  I particularly appreciate how she explains the difference between guilt and shame.




To summarize:

Guilt = I did something bad.
Shame= I am bad.

I think these definitions are extremely helpful as I face the daunting task of parenting my children.  I can only hope that I'll avoid shaming them and I can only pray that the different teachers, coaches and authority figures in their lives will do the same!

p.s.  I have enrolled in on online class which will delve into The Gifts of Imperfection by Brene Brown!  I'm excited about exploring these issues on a deeper level and will be sharing some of my insights here on Tuesdays.  Fasten your seatbelts and join me!

Deep Thoughts....

I'll be honest - today I feel exhausted. After a day full of cleaning my own house, cleaning someone else's house, taking the kids to school and the dentist, making dinner, and attempting an online store I feel spent today. And I'm having a really bad hair day too! And, as any woman knows, bad hair can take a fragile self-esteem day and completely put it in the toilet!
Over the weekend my friend  Jessica told me about Brene Brown who happens to be a Ph.D who studies topics including shame, courage, empathy, vulnerability, etc.  I knew almost immediately upon checking out Brene's website that I would like her.  A lot of what she talks about are things I've been working on in my own life for awhile.  Issues like being authentic and the difference between guilt and shame are themes that I constantly find myself coming back to. 
Among the many fascinating things Brene has to say, one fact in particular stood out to me.  She says that based on research it has been found that when people feel vulnerable we try and numb.  We all know about numbing - let's just say it  - I numb, you numb, we all numb.  The things we numb with might be different but we all do it.  What intrigued me though was that she says studies have shown that when we as people numb the pain , we also end up numbing our capacity to feel joy.  Whoa.  Now that's big. 
So today I'm keeping it real.  I'm embracing my vulnerability.  I'm believing that despite the fact that I'm flawed and imperfect (with bad hair!) I'm also totally valuable and worthy of love.  And yes, I'm enough - just the way I am.